peeny wally

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May 23, 2004

Dirty Pictures

Last night there was an art opening at the They Who Search gallery (which was fantastic and wherein everyone who attended left with an art piece) and then we all went down to the Holly Street compound for a drinky dancey party.

During the night I went into one of the Gaudi-like structures to find a bathroom and stumbled into a line full of waiting ladies. As I waited, another girl joined the line behind me and we made bathroom banter waiting for our turn. All the girls in front of us in line had been taking turns standing in the doorway, blocking the view from any passersby (there was no door) and when I went in, the girl who had been behind me stepped up and proceeded to give my seated, peeing self a booty show from the doorway, the likes of which I have never seen before for free. Halfway through she announced loudly and giddily, to no one in particular, “I learned to fuck by watching porn!”

It was a weird thing to think about, and though I have manymuddledminds on pornography and the sex industry, after a little minute it just made me sad. When you announce something like that to me, it’s like you’re saying, “I’m really interested in looking sexy, and have little to no interest in making sure my encounters are a good experience for me,” though I know that was probably the furthest thing from her mind when she said it. I’m open to all the possibilities of pornography, all about looking at sexy people looking good and happy and making other poeple feel good, but the reality of it always seems so far from that. To me, most mainstream porn is set up for women to look like sexy things, but not to be actively sexual creatures. I mean, looking sexy is generally a far cry from feeling sexy, at least that’s what my experience has been. And while I’m not one of those feminists who feels personally damaged by porn, I am pretty certain that early on I would have been much happier with my body and what it did when it was sexual if I hadn’t been so damn concerned about what looked right or sexy and just felt able to dive on in and look like my messy, silly self. Maybe that’s a fault that lies with me, but it was just weird to hear that girl say that was how she “learned to fuck” because all I ever learned from it was a very limited and contrived sexuality and not one damn thing about making sure that my body felt sexy, only that it looked it.

And, no question about it, she looked good….

Posted by pogo at May 23, 2004 3:35 AM