peeny wally

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June 1, 2003

Totally From the Heart

Ok, all I can say is that the Buzzcocks are one of the greatest bands of all-time and that they still have everything that made them so great way back in the day. Pete Shelley writes songs so good that when you first hear them you wish you wrote them yourself. I was a little apprehensive to go see them since I heard a song off of their new record this week and hated it, but when I saw them last night all the new stuff sounded fantastic. And it goes without saying that they played a ton of their brilliant singles. It was one of the best shows I’ve ever seen and I can’t believe they were there in my shitty little club in Austin. Words cannot say how great they were or how happy I was to be there hearing them, seeing them.

Now that my gushing is out of the way, I’d like to get a few things off my chest.

Dear loud-mouthed tall guy with the impossibly loud voice and indecorous soul patch, continually screaming into my ear while standing behind me before the show,

You talk too much and you say dumb stuff and wrong stuff and you say it really loudly, and it doesn’t impress anyone or make you look anything but dumb, dumb, dumb. First of all, just so you know, the Briefs have not been around for 25 years. I mean, yes, they’re that old, they’re old guys, but as a band they’ve only existed since 1999. The next time you go loudly spouting off nonsense in someone’s ear in a bar, do your fucking research and make sure you know what you’re talking about. And you might want to occasionally stop talking and let your conversational partner get in a word or two once in awhile. And just stop being such a know-it-all in general, particularly since you proved that you don’t really know very much at all. This is my business because you were constantly yelling so loud that everyone in the place could hear you, over clanging bottles, other conversation and the music playing in the club. This loutish behavior is discourteous anywhere, but especially in a very crowded, very hot space.

Also, I wonder if you could be the one to tell me what exactly makes the Buzzcocks so great, since in your estimation, most people “don’t get it.” What I noticed though, is that you didn’t seem to know any songs or have any fun when you weren’t able to blather on at the top of your lungs about shit you don’t know fuck-all about. Nothing could make me unhappy while I’m seeing the Buzzcocks, but you deserve a cockpunch for being a loudmouthed poser moron who kept putting his hand on my ass.

Dear pasty-faced, skinny-assed, huffy girl standing next to Aforementioned Ass Mouth,

When you go to a punk rock show and stand down next to the pit, you should expect to be jostled a bit. When it’s the Buzzcocks, you should expect that I’m going to jump around, holler, shake my ass and sweat like a whore in church. You should also expect that just in front of me will be at least twenty or thirty shirtless, sweaty boys acting out and shoving each other around and, in turn, shoving folks like me and you who are standing just behind them. If this is unappealing to you, the simple solution is to go stand somewhere further back. It is not a good idea to start pushing me everytime someone gets in your personal space. If you take it upon yourself to knuckle-shove me in the kidneys everytime you get pushed or stepped on, I’m going to turn around and confront you and spit and cuss. If you continue to do it, I’m going to punch you in your dumb pasty-face. I’m really glad you cut it out when I told you to. Other girls might not be so easy-going. It might behoove you to remember that.

Dear Punk Kids Who Are Younger Than Me But Only Go to See Touring Shows,

I shouldn’t have to say this. I hate it when people say it. Obviously, you’ve not thought about it enough, so I have to say it anyway. Your scene is what you make it. Why aren’t you ever at any local shows? You live in Austin, where we’re positively blessed with so many good bands. If you care enough about music to pay upwards of ten bucks and crowd up the joint when I go to see road shows at Emo’s, you should check out Beerland, 710, La Cucaracha’s, the Parlour when they have shows. You might find something you like in your own backyard. And there ain’t nothing better than that.

Frogs and Kittens,
Miss Tamara L. Fartywhump

Posted by pogo at June 1, 2003 2:40 PM