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May 20, 2003
Because I Do
I don’t really like weddings. It’s not because I’m opposed to them on any moral grounds (though I must admit that I visibly cringe every damn time I’m at a wedding and the father, or in more “enlightened” circumstances, the father and mother of the bride “give” the woman to be wed. Also anytime they leave in that whole “love, honor and obey” thing. Sheesh.) The thing I hate the most about weddings is that they just seem to be an excuse to (ahem) engage in all sorts of embarassingly sentimental, narcissistic and just plain tacky inclinations for all the parties involved. Not to mention all the god stuff. And the excessive spending. And, well, a whole lot of it. It just makes people weird, they act funny and selfish and lose all objectivity. And they make people wear terrrible and uncomfortable clothes.
I do appreciate the idea of a celebration, the happiness of coming together with everyone you love and just being public, having a small observance of goodness and love and happiness, and having a big party, lots of food, drink, dancing, very informal and very jubilant. I’ve haven’t been to many weddings like that, but I sure have been appreciative, downright pleased as punch, whenver I’ve been in attendance at those few. That’s the ideal.
With all of that said, I really like south Texas weddings. Well, ok, maybe not the weddings so much as the receptions… The actual ceremony I attended this weekend was a little uncomfortable and awkward, and even though it wasn’t a Catholic wedding, it still seemed really long. But it was on a huge, beautiful ranch (complete with cow pies in the pasture to traipse through in open-toed shoes) with yummy smelling flowers and an amazing, clear and starry sky. There was no formality about eating or drinking, but there was a whole lot of it being done. There were ten truckloads of food, wine, beer and even a margarita machine. The music was incredibly diverse, playing an AC/DC song one minute and a cumbia the next. Lots of Tejano trills floating over the fields, plenty of big-haired, heavily made-up ladies dancing with men in Wranglers and cowboy boots, lots of friendly people having a good time, and lots and lots of mosquitoes. Not such a bad way to spend a Saturday night in Beeville, at the very least.
Posted by pogo at May 20, 2003 1:26 PM
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Comments
It’s a property exchange between families. Of course you’re expected to spend, spend, spend.
In addition to all sorts of historical and religious baggage, I see marriage in contemporary American society as a key point of disenfranchisement for gay couples. How about some matrimonial affirmative action? Every straight couple that wishes to exercise their right to state- or church-sanctioned union should give up that right until every gay couple wishing to marry has had a chance. Then maybe I’d start seeing it as a positive, progressive lifestyle choice.
Now, if you just want to celebrate the beginning of a committed and respectful relationship, throw a party.
Posted by: jacob on May 20, 2003 2:27 PM
i don’t think i was very clear in my post. i am opposed to matrimony on moral grounds, but that’s not why i don’t like weddings. i don’t like weddings because they’re a tribute to many things i don’t like.
yes, of course, everything you mention is true. i’ve said as much plenty of times in the past. i think it is disgusting that not everyone is “allowed” to marry. you mentioned that marriage carries plenty of historical and religious baggage. however, i certainly don’t think having state and church-sanctioned matrimony for gays is instantly going to make marriage a “positive, progressive lifestyle choice.” it’s a start certainly, and would begin to address one of the most glaring flaws in the idea of marriage. but i think there’s a whole lot more to it than that.
i don’t really have one main problem with marriage. my whole life i’ve been accumulating lots of them and now i have a giant pile of them.
the whole reason i was focusing in my post on all the nice things that happened after the wedding was because i didn’t want to be the cranky naysayer talking about this yet again. it’s been coming up a lot lately, since i know a handful of people all getting married soon. and yet, here i am. i think it’s just my lot to grumble. feh, i’m good at it by now, may as well keep at it.
Posted by: tam on May 20, 2003 4:10 PM
I had an interesting weekend, experiencing the transformation that occurs in my family now that I have ceremonially become a state-accredited Bachelor.
I talked with my brother a little about marraige, and about the (to me) dysfunctional attitude my family takes towards un-wedded coupledoms. Don’t get me wrong, the attitude is positive and loving, but there is still a very real “legitimacy” issue in the family. Partnerships are hidden or secret until an extreme level of committment is made, and then, only married people are to sleep together, and only married people make it into the family portraits.
This idea of family portraits is pretty trivial, really, but it symbolizes something important.
And I realized that this effects how I feel, to have a wonderfully unconventional relationship, and to simultaneously feel positively ambiguous about state or church sanctioned union.
I felt the same way about university once, so all of it is subject to change…
Posted by: sentry on May 20, 2003 5:21 PM
“Love, honor, and obey.” Blecccchh. How come no one ever plays “Under My Thumb” at weddings?
Posted by: Karla on May 20, 2003 6:17 PM
perhaps people would understand your feelings about the validity of marriage if you expressed them by marrying and divorcing jacob repeatedly. three or four times a year.
Posted by: chris on May 20, 2003 11:24 PM
she’d marry me, but she’s chosen darkness.
Posted by: jacob on May 21, 2003 12:34 AM
mmm, each marriage comes with a new set of appliances, too. tempting.
could we have our bridal registry at a record store?
Posted by: tam on May 21, 2003 9:00 AM
i’ve been to one really nice wedding …my brother eric and his wife sarah’s. it was in berkeley, ca at the berkeley rose garden. my other brother played the wedding music on his guitar and there was no mention of god. it was gorgeous. then, we all went to a fantastic tapas restaurant and gorged on paella, fantastic olives, wonderful bread, many many drinks and danced to the cd eric and sarah made for the wedding which included “Oh Yoko” by John Lennon, “I love her, she loves me” by NRBQ and many other great songs. it was great. people were dressed very well, drunk and silly … it’s all what you do with it.
Posted by: leah on May 21, 2003 1:04 PM
are you going to marry a carrot?
Posted by: dakota on May 21, 2003 1:16 PM
thank god i don’t have to get married to dress up fancy, eat tapas and dance. i’d be a sad little lady. those are three of my favorite things.
Posted by: tam on May 21, 2003 1:33 PM