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April 14, 2003
Pure Delusion
This past week, someone on the Bust boards mentioned that they had found a slew of pretty creepy, fundamentalist Christian sites that were aimed at young girls. I thought I’d go have a look around, though you’d think I’d know better. I found the usual “women against feminism” sort of hogwash I’ve seen before, but there were some extra creepy posts on one particular board, directed at the discerning Virtuous Young Woman. The subject was Young Christians A’Courtin’. One of the girls mentioned that she had been given something called a purity necklace from her father for her 14th birthday. “It’s a heart with a keyhole in it, and Daddy wears the key. When I get married, he’ll give the key to my husband.” Apparently there are purity rings, as well, and they’re common enough. One girl said, “I have had my purity ring for 8-1/2 years. The design of my ring is very special to me. There are two hearts (one set higher than the other) with a very small diamond in the middle of them. These hearts I think of as being me and my husband (I’m the heart just under my husband - signifying my being under his covering/leadership). ”
Um. What the fucking fuck?
Really, I have no words. I feel sick.
Posted by pogo at April 14, 2003 12:14 PM
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maybe this hits me so hard because my mama has become one of those fundy people, and it’s really hard to watch, especially because she’s raising kids, one boy and one girl. i try not to judge - those without sin can cast the first stone, and all that, but this just seems so detrimental, such a disservice to these young people…
Posted by: pogo on April 14, 2003 12:35 PM
I (stupidly) got into an argument with some fundamentalist guys at UT a few years ago about whether or not women should be subservient to men. It was a pointless debate, really, because I wasn’t going to change his mind. But the most depressing thing was when two girls approached me and started telling me about how I was wrong and they’ll be totally subservient to their husbands just like they are to their fathers now. At that point I just walked away. I think it’s really sad because these girls are being convinced of something that will probably make them miss out on a lot of life. And that’s too bad.
Posted by: seth on April 14, 2003 12:45 PM
But thinking for yourself is such hard work, it’s no wonder the chastity belt is coming back, oh, I mean the purity belt, umm, purity necklace.
But seriously, I think this is wrong, but these girls live in a world that offers them many, many choices of how to live their lives. It’s not as bad as our parent’s time, when the choices simply were not available. Hopefully, these young women will see enough of the world as they get older to make an informed choice, but if they continue to “let go, let God”, I only hope that it works for them and they don’t end up old, alone, and without the ability to live independantly when the husbands of their youth have moved on to the trophy wives.
Posted by: SudoNimm on April 14, 2003 1:25 PM
You make a very good point, Sudo. Young girls now are way more privy to many more choices than any before them, and perhaps that’s part of why it’s so surprising to encounter this kind of mentality.
I was so taken aback when I first saw that girl’s words. Am I wrong? Does it not sound like she’s saying, “Daddy owns my pussy and that’s the way God wants it.” I just want to give her a big ol’ hug and tell her not only does her daddy not own her pussy, he’s got no damn business there in the first place.
As though she’d listen. As though it’s my business…
It just makes me sad. I mean, it’s hard enough thinking for yourself, learning everything you can and trying to be a strong woman, without muddling up all these ideas of God and Daddy and Madonna/Whore dichotomies being thrown into the whole shebang to trip you up even more. I don’t think that anyone in the world has an easy time of it. I just think these parents are making it unneccessarily hard on their younguns, both boys and girls, and might have some sort of sketchy motives for doing so.
And I really don’t mean to babble on and on about this, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
Posted by: tam on April 14, 2003 3:21 PM
No, you’re absolutly right - it is sad. And yes, I noticed the sexual undertones right away, hence my reference to a chastity belt, which was also a device used to control and subjugate women. You just keep on speaking the truth.
Posted by: SudoNimm on April 14, 2003 3:50 PM
well, there are plenty of fucked up ways to be as a teenager… and yes, while this is super sad, i also think its super sad when you have the teens having the babies on purpose because they need someone to love them,… at least these girls will likely go to college, join their sorority, and wind-up “doin it” to “fit in” or something ???? very little about sexuality at that age makes any sence. i mean, the kids are getting pulled in so many freaking directions and are being told so many different ways to be its no wonder we have some confused kids out there. so very little of it is intellegent in any freaking way. but yes, it is disturbingly sad that there is any indication of an element of young girls out there who don’t even recognize the fact that they are their own person and even sadder that this is being re-inforced by adults. gawd such fucked up things we do to our poor girls.
the grossest thing is the realization that in the long run, i think that these gals are sadly at an advantage…. as at least ALL they are is: sadly misguided, confused and stilted in their growth and all, and matters aren’t complicated by factors like babies and stds and aids and all… this is something that they can change…
so yes, there are some teenagers out there who are confused about who they are and sex and independance and all, but so much about being a teenager these days comes down to fucking survival… making it through those years ALIVE and hopefully without any huge mistakes that will have lasting effects, like a drug habit or a baby or a disability or having killed your friend in a drunk driving accident, or having to have an abortion because you got pregnant by accident and don’t want it and decide to feel bad about that for the rest of your life, etc…
like those gawd damned “jail bait” t-shirts and shit. i mean, there is no innuendo there. thats just plain fucked up. barely legal. all that shit. fucking gross.
so yes, i do feel very sad for my pal who is a 27 year old virgin, but i can’t say that i feel any worse for her than i feel for my pal who had a baby when she was 15 … or my pal who has serious mental problems due to the drugs she took as a teenager…
where in the hell are the positive role models anyways? all i see is horrible extremimst that are so wrong in both directions…
and i have no idea what angers me more, i guess i just think its all really really sad.
everyone just has so little genuine concern for one another and just try to make life easy on themselves by making things all about the bottom line…
but i imagine that these girls will hopefully SURVIVE and come out of their teens and hopefully shake everything off… “eek, that was fucked up” like most of us have doctored and healed up and scarred over our ridiculous teen years…. as best we can…
Posted by: lola_warbucks on April 14, 2003 5:26 PM
wow. you said a mouthful. i have lots to comment, but this isn’t really the time…
two things worth noting (your words sparked this): 1. more than a few of those girls, in fact, more than likely, most of those girls are not “going to college, joining their sorority…” they said as much on their boards. after high school, it’s marriage and babies for them. and i guess if they don’t mind, i’ll try not to. 2. not all of these girls were all that young. i’d say the majority of them were mid-teens to early 20s.
Posted by: tam on April 14, 2003 5:58 PM
also, really, thank you very much for your thoughtful words. there’s a lot of truth in ‘em.
Posted by: tam on April 14, 2003 5:59 PM
Well, hopefully many fourteen year old girls will simply flush the purity jewelry down the toilet when they get to high school and the creepiness of it hits them. Or they’ll sit next to somebody like me in Geometry and I’ll ask to see it and try to pick the lock with a paper clip, providing them a symbolic jumping off point to reassessment of values and allowing me to slip further into some reverie about dungeons and dragons.
Maybe this sort of thing is actually becoming more common these days as a reaction to the hypersexualization of teenagers (go watch the Frontline episode about teenage marketing if you doubt this), especially girls. I’m not sure I like this type of escalation though… it’s too easy for somebody, say a parent, to paint the average this balance of extremes produces as the same old normal adolescence when actually you’re putting girls under a new and fantastic amount of stress.
I don’t know, that’s tying things up a bit too neatly I think. Things could be loads easier now than they were fifty years ago. I guess I just don’t trust progress anymore.
Posted by: chris on April 15, 2003 9:25 AM