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December 11, 2002
Make You Feel That Way
Note: This whole entry is disjointed because I wrote it in two halves, one last night and one this morning. I’m just feeling guilty about not updating often enough, otherwise I’d probably write something new. Enjoy.
***
A few years back, I worked in the kitchen at Whole Foods. It was when I first moved to Austin, and it’s a wholly Austin job. Almost everyone I know did time there, or at Fringeware or Book People or the Hyde Park Coffee Shop (located in the Hyde Park Babe Triangle, which consists of Fresh Plus, the Coffee Shop, now Quack’s, and Pronto, one of the best smelling places in Austin). I have the dubious honor of working at two of the above.
There was this kid who used to work with me in the kitchen, and he was actually a lot cooler than I gave him credit for. We disagreed on a lot of things. He was a white boy from a wealthy family in Houston. He hated punk rock. He liked hip-hop, trip-hop, some (weirdly selective) jazz. We argued a lot, mostly about things that didn’t matter, and a few that did. One day when we were bantering back and forth about music, he said that he didn’t like punk rock, he thought it was an invalid means of expression. When pressed, he explained that it came down to “who has the right to be angry.” From his perspective (as best as I could ascertain) in America, it’s black people who have the most right to anger, and to voicing anger, and everyone else’s voice is somehow subpar, less legitimate, less valid, containing inappropriate, or less justified, anger. I’m still not sure that’s what he was trying to say, but that’s what came across to me. I’ve never forgotten that.
This has mainly been in my mind lately, because I haven’t been able to take a break from “Blazing Arrow” by Blackalicious, in my estimation one of the best things I’ve heard this year. The kid I’m talking about was a huge Blackalicious fan. This new one, it’s an amazing record. It’s so cohesive and positive and funny and smart and true, true, true, and, at the same time, it’s just downright funky. It’s even got Gil Scott-Heron, which is plenty enough on any hip-hop record. And I’ve got a lifelong habit of associating music with people, and these two just happened to be linked in my mind, even though their words and ideas couldn’t be further apart.
I think it’s really dangerous to decide who does and does not have the “right” to anger. I think it’s really easy and short-sighted to pass decisions on groups of people before delving in and seeing what they’re really about. These things are so obvious to me, that when he and I had our conversation over our respective tubs of tofu ceviche (me, yuck) and kung pao tofu (him, yum) I was stunned into silence, mouth agape. It’s a fine line, discussing Things That Matter with folks at your workplace, especially in my case where I’m easily moved to emotion and tears. I didn’t say anything. I was shocked and couldn’t find my words. I went back the next day, planning to talk with calmness and distance, but it was done with and to resurrect it would have been too weird.
***
Important point: “Make You Feel That Way” is the best new song I’ve heard this year. It makes me dance around my living room, grinning like a jackass, hitting repeat and feeling happy, happy, happy. It could do the same for you, too.
Important point #2: There is no damn good reason to carry around chips on shoulders or perfect responses to conversations long past. It doesn’t do anyone any good, and just ends up cluttering up the joint.
Posted by pogo at December 11, 2002 9:04 AM
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i cherish your right to shut up
I want to comment briefly on anger as it relates to a couple prior discussions, and I want to talk about why I don't appreciate [Read more]
Tracked by remake/remodel on December 13, 2002 12:57 AM
Comments
white people have been hoarding the right to be happy, that’s for sure. just kidding. your hip-hop friend probably could have channeled his guilt about being white and privileged into something more positive. but then again, how old was he? 18? 20? people cycle through an awful lot of beliefs while they’re growing up. i’m still trying on some to see how they fit. at least he liked good music.
pronto’s smells like hot dogs.
Posted by: jacob on December 11, 2002 9:48 AM
I’m with Jacob. I try - I don’t always succeed, but I try - to have patience with people like that. They mean well, I think.
It’s confusing, this whole “society” thing. Sometime’s I don’t know who to be mad at, whether I should personally feel guilty, whether there’s really anything I can do to help, blah blah blah. I would say that it’s good that he was at least sincerely trying to see the world from a viewpoint other than a privileged one.
Anyway, I think trying on different beliefs is good and normal. Unfortunately, I think for a lot of young people it’s hard to accept that things are more complicated than one ideology can handle. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with the idea that it’s okay to have a bunch of different ideas that might contradict here and there because the world’s not so neat and tidy and figuring out what’s right takes a whole life (if at all possible), not just the first 20-some years.
I also try to remember that (a) people are wrong most of the time and (b) I’m a person. It’s okay to be wrong as long as you learn from your mistake. I say a lot of dumb stuff, but I don’t mind because I learn from other people when they answer me. Sometimes maybe somebody learns from me? I don’t know, maybe.
Point is, it’s the talking and debating that helps us progress.
(What a load of malarkey)
Posted by: seth on December 11, 2002 11:24 AM
Well, I didn’t really want to talk about this kid all that much. He was really sexist in a lot of gross ways, as well as strangely racist sometimes, too. I agree that he was probably working out lots of social issues in his brain and that’s admirable and important, especially considering that a lot of people never even get around to it(he was 22, and wanted to go to law school). The thing that wowed me at the time was that it was pretty apparent to me that everyone working in that kitchen had some pretty valid reasons to be angry, but he didn’t see any of that. The point is, it only matters to me now because I didn’t say it then, and I’ve got to get over this weird fear of being wrong or looking foolish and just speak my mind more often because otherwise I dwell on things that don’t matter, and I don’t learn as much as I possibly could. I was better at it in college when discussion was required, and I should get back in the habit.
So yeah, what Seth said.
Pronto smells to me like equal parts gasoline, lemonade, sweat, dirt, grease, tobacco, soap and pork.
Posted by: pogo on December 11, 2002 12:05 PM
hmmm… yes.
Posted by: chris on December 12, 2002 3:09 AM