March 02, 2005
pang! pang! just boring things to report
So much hope was carried in this first March blizzard, so much magic, for example my boss stuck in the Maritimes with a cancelled flight, for still a day or two! It leaves me plenty of time to look around. The last few days I was beaten down, I got refusals after interviews at two different places. The first one radiated grey and stillness, with a beautiful view South. But they finally said it wouldn’t work, as I don’t have enough a community profile. What in the world. It left me feeling blank and stupid, then I guess it passed, and I was back to my usual, go-getter despair. Never lost my smile. The second refusal hurt more, I wanted to work there but I probably said too much platitudes about computers, or didn’t phrased them professionally enough. I don’t know what they thought, but they refused me.
I have another, hopefully last interview, at Square Victoria today 4 PM, but it doesn’t mean anything. These last weeks blunted me; can I dissimulate all traces of rolling eyes, of carelessness, it all keeps poking out. But how little does it matter… I just can’t tell the truth. I lost all my diplomas somewhere in moving houses, my references burnt to ashes in a tragic fire. But listen to me typing away! I only got into coffee a year or two ago, so it’s still like a honeymoon, and mornings are no problem. I dig repetitive tasks. I promise clean shirts, courteous exchanges, in peace and troubled times alike. As long as I get home in time for the sunset, making enough money for drugs and books, visits to the circus, and providing my old kitten a life of luxury.
This better works now… fingers crossed.
Posted by nathalie at 12:26 PM | Comments (3)
May 12, 2004
war blogs
Just for fun, I imagine things – the Americans are actually the Iraqis, and I am on the front line with them, for them – I certainly drink some Macabbee; this officer at his Presidential’s request will turn into a winged androgyn and do the vampire dance, dribbling milk and tea – then I will awake in a well-known bed and do my shift at the docks – with you by my side, brandishing the wand of electricity
…it isn’t over, you know – they have bombed us again this morning, although 12 km from the line… I would be annoyed to die so younng.
I have done enough reading for tonight. I am translating from memory, it’s already slipping off my hands. There are black clouds gathering outside and an ever thickening fog in which my thoughts ascend as I prepare drifting into sleep, trivia, swear words, random acts of kindness, I close my eyes to drown out the rumbles, it doesn’t always work.