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April 20, 2004

moving into a new place

Earlier I was doing cartwheels, now I resemble the spinning wheel on an upside-down bicycle, in motion and crashed. I signed a new lease without much thinking, just wanting to end this frustrating year of let-downs in apartment hunting, and the worries as my current lease was ending. On sunday night it looked right, it was what I wanted. I just visited again this evening, my official new place, around 7. But the golden light didn’t pour in, it was blocked from walls outside. The bedroom wall isn’t dark wine like I thought, but a red shade of deep orange. The television was on and the hamster was asleep, and the current tenants, now that the landlord had left us alone, were lifting carpets with the tip of their feet, drawing curtains, “you should get them to repair this - they are supposed to fix that”. And I kept looking for a corridor of light and coloured glass, the sunset reflected somewhere, as the rooms turned into liquid lava, black and devouring.

The kitchen is quite bright, though. And unabashed gourmets would praise its location 2 flight of stairs next to Frites alors. There are other good sides too. It has wooden floors. It has no roommates. There will be enough room for a cat of good dimension. And it still won’t fulfill my wish for a fireplace, so I can save it for later. Perhaps I feel dread because I have just fulfilled a wish, by having a new place, like I am pushed back and forced to watch my wish unfold, as the craving fade. I should know different by now, and just wait until it rolls back, while I discover this new street, this summer.

Posted by nathalie at April 20, 2004 10:17 PM

Comments

Here’s a secret I rarely share: I cry almost every time I move. My former residence may have been a shit-hole but the moment my relationship with a home enters the post-courtship phase I’m immediately let down. Sometimes these instincts are correct but often they’re dead wrong. The obstructed view becomes a valued source of privacy. The landlord’s inattention to complaints by the former leasee turn out to be a result of his 3am parties. The unlit living room becomes a decorating challenge requiring watching at least 100 hours of Trading Spaces before it can be revamped.

May your new place turn out to be a grand and satisfying adventure…

Posted by: sarah on April 21, 2004 12:15 AM

Also, your current apartment may be slated to burn down seven months from now.

Posted by: chris on April 21, 2004 2:15 AM

Thank you for this, Sarah…your words have played a great part in my regained optimism of today. The privacy is indeed much longed for, and the challenge, even more so! But I couldn’t see it yesterday, I just felt sadness and disillusion. It’s comforting to think of it as a temporary phase, as wrong instincts - which I believe they are. And then I can start to sandblast, repaint and lighten up this flawed little dream of mine.

Posted by: chomi on April 21, 2004 12:25 PM