remake/remodel

popped off

“Claudia Ivanovna’s dead,” his client informed him.

“Well, God rest her soul,” said Bezenchuk. “So the old lady’s passed away. Old ladies pass away … or they depart this life. It depends who she is. Yours, for instance, was small and plump, so she passed away. But if it’s one who’s a bit bigger and thinner, then they say she has departed this life….”

“What do you mean ‘they say?’ Who says?”

“We say. The undertakers. Now you, for instance. You’re distinguished-looking and tall, though a bit on the thin side. If you should die, God forbid, they’ll say you popped off. But a tradesman, who belonged to the former merchants’ guild, would breathe his last. And if it’s someone of lower status, say a janitor, or a peasant, we say he has croaked or gone west. But when the high-ups die, say a railroad conductor or someone in the administration, they say he has kicked the bucket. They say: ‘You know our boss has kicked the bucket, don’t you?’”

Shocked by this curious classification of human mortality, Ippolit Matveyevich asked:

“And what will the undertakers say about you when you die?”

“I’m a small fellow. They’ll say, ‘Bezenchuck’s gone’, and nothin’ more.”

— Ilf & Petrov, The Twelve Chairs