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Sometimes I want to write things here that are only for me, that no one else can see. I need to write it just to get it out, like screaming in a jar, maybe, or maybe because thoughts only really have a chance to live or die once they’ve been fished out of the head and thrown onto a page. I suppose I could keep an actual diary. I’ve tried before. Diaries engender the notion that the bits of your life can be formed into a sensible narrative — false — and worse, that said narrative should be consistently non-boring — also false, unless somebody suspects that you are unfaithful, in which case your diary is potentially riveting. The act of writing in a diary is itself fraught with anxiety: I end up fretting over not writing in straight lines or using mismatched pens, I worry about the childish character of my handwriting, or worse, I write poems, and then I have to throw the whole thing away. If you write poetry, too, you might want to consider tossing it all out. You’re probably objecting right now, thinking, ‘Ah but self-expression is a wondrous thing simply for its own sake, it’s very important, etc.’ and that’s a cute if obvious sentiment, but it’s wrong, and I should know, because I’ve witnessed a poetry slam. Try to sublimate that urge. Instead, put a Sharpie in your pocket, and think hard about a pithy slogan to write the next time you find yourself in a public toilet stall. This is a private thing that you can share.
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Ah, Jacob. A man after my own heart.
I actually keep a private written journal. I don’t call it a diary because I’m not a sissy. But seriously, I like my online journal because it’s a public expression of what I’m thinking. As I’ve said before, I would never have my blog become a confessional.
I don’t really worry too much about what’s in my private journals, or what it looks like. Hrm. That’s not exactly true. I’ve certainl been known to tear out pages years later for fear that anyone ever read them. Humiliating!
But, generally speaking I like it. I don’t write nearly as often as I should, but when I do it’s relaxing.
And you should write poetry. But write sonnets. The structure is such a pain in the ass that even if it sucks people are impressed. If you’re really worried about it being corny write in Petrarchan form. If anyone laughs just say “fuck you this has a Petrarchan form, do you know how hard that is!?!”
But, seriously, it’s important to keep a diary to help your future biographers. It’s more a duty than you think.
posted by seth on November 22, 2002 8:24 AM
Shouldn’t I just have a sidekick biographer, like a Boswell?
posted by jacob on November 22, 2002 12:57 PM
i tried both, but i think i still prefer my personal notebook over weblogs, even though i do think they are very interesting to read. but then i don’t toss out my poems. some of them yes. others, i write them in public toilet stalls. why bother with slogans anymore! just make it a sloganizer night
posted by chomislavski on November 25, 2002 9:43 AM
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